The big not-so-fat Kannadiga wedding...
Hi!
When you are ten close cousins, with an age gap of not more than two years between two consecutive ones, the first marriage is probably one of the most exciting events that you have looked forward to all your life, well at least since the time you start appreciating how you can deck up and loaf around the wedding looking all pretty and happy…
Keerti Akka, my only elder girl cousin, got married on 11 Dec 09. Ok, before I start the wedding narrative, let me list down the order of us cousins (Descending age- wise) for you to understand better the story going forward-
1. Kartik Anna
2. Keerti Akka
3. Vinni Anna (Vinay)
4. Vicky Anna (Vikas)
(3 and 4 are twins)
5. Me
6. Nammu
7. Shruti
8. Sandy (Sadashiv)
9. Channu
10. Shashank
The first five of us have been the closest group amongst all ten. Nammu was always stuck being a no-mans-lander; she was too young for our group and a little too old for the younger lot. Shruti was a part of the younger group for some time until they decided that they’d like to be an all boys gang and Shruti was then pretty much in the same boat as Nammu (It is no wonder they are such good friends now…).
The equations changed over the next few years with Nammu growing out of being a pesky, irritating and imposing sibling and into a rather outspoken (Frighteningly so…) and confident person. Sandy came to live with us so he could school at Kendriya Vidyalaya (My Alma Mater!) and ended up being with us for almost eight years, he’s back in Hubli now, doing his engineering course. My older cousins all got busy with studies, friends, and whatever else they wanted to pursue. And the obvious happened, we all drifted slightly apart with the whole school-summer-vacation thing coming to a stop as we each headed to colleges to pursue higher education in different cities and with different calendars. Of course, we would still try to make it to Hubli (That’s where my Ajji-maternal granny, stays with my Mama, Mami, Sandy and Shashank) once a year but ended up meeting only a handful of cousins given that all our leave calendars differed based on what course we were pursuing…
Now, that piece of not-so-happy and nostalgic sounding trivia was given to you so you realize how totally important and big an event this marriage was as it would be the first time in many many years that the whole family would be meeting and spending almost a week together. Were we looking forward to it or what??? Oh yes, we were :)
The wedding mania started for me and Nammu in the last week of November when dad insisted on us travelling to Hyderabad to shop for our wedding clothes (Everyone knows that Bangalore has better clothes to offer but dad differed in his opinion. We both think it was just an excuse for him to call us over for a weekend break. All he had to do was ask, or even tell, but he decides to make a strong case of advertising the Hyd clothes industry :/). Anyways, the point is that we ended up going to Hyd and spent an evening shopping for our dresses. We did find exactly what we were both looking for and were quite glad that we achieved both our targets (Buy a nice dress and spend time with family). The biggest perk of going to Hyd is that we get to meet our fat, grouchy, furry baby… Though we constantly keep getting ‘calls’ from Dukie (It’s just ma or pa calling us in one of their weird moments and holding the receiver against Dukie’s ear so we can talk to him…), we only get to meet him when we go over (Which is not the case with our parents who are perfectly capable of travelling around on their own and do so rather often too…) and hence make it a point to go over as often as possible.
So, after spending a rather nice weekend at home, we got back to Bangalore and got back into our routines. We had both planned to go to Belgaum (That’s where the wedding was organized) two days in advance but ten days before the wedding we decided, what was the big deal of missing one more day of work or college??? It was after all Keerti akka’s wedding! And that’s when we decided on giving her and everyone else a surprise by landing a day earlier. We had to endure Keerti akka’s taunts of her sisters not being around for her wedding, her sisters behaving like guests and not hosts, her sisters being so insensitive (Etc etc, I’m sure you got the general feel of what she threw at us…), but then, as it was meant to be a surprise, we could not really let anyone in on the secret as we didn’t trust anyone of our relatives to keep a secret for us (We are all related from our moms sides and they just about happen to be a very chatty (I NEVER said gossipy!) lot). So, after all the last minute shopping and stuff, we were ready to board our bus for Belgaum. Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. Never apply mehendi on your hands if you intend to change later on. I mean, I got mehendi applied on my hands on the way back from work and then on going home figured I could not change into more comfortable clothes as the mehendi would smudge and get spoilt. So I ended up travelling, rather uncomfortably in my formals.
And oh, another thing! It was the first time I had ever travelled by a sleeper bus (I always had a feeling the chances of crashing in a sleeper bus are higher and they’re not as safe as ordinary buses. Don’t ask me where I got that from!) and was the experience great or what??? They are very comfortable and really nice! The road to Belgaum (At least the last 3-4 hours of that stretch) is very picturesque and it felt great lying down comfortably in those bunkers and watch the lovely fields go by… Hmmm, I almost feel like I invented the sleeper coaches, I was so excited about it (Nammu was initially quite amused about my enthusiasm but after a while just plain snapped at me and asked me to give it a break and sleep quietly. Whoever told me that ‘I’ was the elder sister :/). Hmmm, ok, the point is, if you haven’t already tried it (And I’m sure that will be a small minority), do travel once by a sleeper bus, it’s quite nice.
I do deviate a lot, but then there are so many nice and exciting things that happen in parallel to the actual event that it would be unfair of me to leave out those bits (At least that’s how I feel, I’m sure some of you may be more than happy for me to leave out those parts :)).
And, yeah, on the way to Belgaum, we happened to talk to Papa (He was the only one who was let into our secret of landing at Belgaum a day earlier; though he has lived with ma for over 26 years, he still has not been completely corrupted, so could be trusted!) and when I made a casual remark that I don’t remember having seen any Auto Rickshaws in Belgaum (We planned to take one till home), he started out on an illuminating (At least he thought it was…) narrative of how Auto bodies are built in Belgaum. This wasn’t really a required piece of information for you but I was thinking and maybe the whole habit of providing more information than is necessary is hereditary, in which case you can’t blame me, it’s not my fault ;) it’s in my genes :) :) :)
Ok, I’ll try to curb that particular genetic inclination of mine and stick to my main stream narration.
So, after giving everyone a nice surprise (We did have the Miss India moments with my sister standing like a statue for a second with her hands on her face in an ‘oh-I-cant-believe-I-won’ expression and then flinging herself on the two of us and giving us breath- stoppingly tight hugs…) we settled down to a BIG breakfast of paranthas. We spent the better part of the day just lazing around and meeting with more cousins and uncles and aunts than I have met in the last two years…
The next two days went by in a jiffy with loads of wedding preparation work being done, lots of family gossip and news, lots of running around trying to get one chore done (But getting pulled into twenty other things while walking from one room to the other trying to get that one chore done…), stuffing yourself with laddoos, chiwda and any thing else that looked edible, celebrating our Mama’s birthday in between, driving on the highway (Under my brothers supervision, of course, J, being screamed at by elders for doing nothing and just loitering (Hmmpf, who do they think pasted the wedding posters on the cars windshields), got Keerti Akka and the others ready and looking pretty and radiant etc etc). So, it was a whirlwind of activities and on 10 Dec evening, we shifted to the Kalyan Mantapa (Wedding hall) for the engagement and wedding rituals. The engagement happened the same evening with the groom’s side gifting akka a lovely green saree which she had to change into immediately so they could start with the engagement rituals. It was very tradition based and with lots of mantras and stuff. After the engagement, we got a breather of a couple of hours and then the Haldi ritual started where the bride and groom are made to sit together (With one of their family members sitting right behind them as well). These four people sat in a human square while people applied a wet and pasty combination of turmeric and oil on their face, arms and feet and calves. After decently applying the paste to them for around half an hour, the grown up crowd suddenly went mad as they pounced on each other and started applying, throwing, sprinkling the turmeric paste to, at and over each other… After acting not-quite-their-age for an hour or so, they went back to being boring adults, but did we enjoy that one hour of watching them be kids again, or what :)
The nicest part of the haldi ritual was after the whole stock of haldi paste was emptied. The four people (Bride, groom, and one each of their family) were taken out into the courtyard and made to sit on four different wooden flat boards (We call that ‘Mani’), again in a square shape and five buckets of water was poured on each of them by turns. This ritual is quite amusing as four of the five buckets contain warm water and one surprise bucket contains cold water. My ajji explained that the logic behind this ritual was that the four buckets of warm water stood for happiness and the bucket of cold water stood for the small portion of disquiet one experiences in marital life. So, the ritual meant that the couple is being taught the lesson that just as they share the happiness in their lives going forward, they also need to share the not-so-happy moments as well. It was a lesson in commitment and steadfastness. Hmmm, interesting.
It was almost 3 AM by the time we hit the bed and the muhurat was at 8:20 AM, so we all had to be ready for the actual wedding by 7 AM. It felt like we were woken up the minute we hit the bed (It’s so true that every time you have less than 8 hours of sleep lined up before you, it feels like you never slept coz someone woke you up the minute you fell asleep…). After getting ready, we sat through almost two or three hours of rituals after which Keerti akka and Shiv were declared man and wife. I loved the ‘Saptapadi’ ritual the best. This is where the bride and groom are said to have crossed the seven seas to get to each other and has multiple layers of meaning. Like, for example, my ajji said it meant that they are tied together for seven janmas (Lives), the rest of the relatives were divided between my ajji’s reasoning and that of the seven seas concept. It was quite beautiful to watch.
We couldn’t wait to hit the dining hall after the wedding ceremony was completed, we were famished as we had had nothing to eat since the previous evening’s dinner, what with the muhurat being so early in the morning.
We were almost wound up and done by five PM. The Groom’s family had set out for home (Kolar) and Shiv (My new brother-in-law!!!) stayed back for a day so he could take Keerti akka back with him to Kolar. The bride apparently cannot leave her maternal home the same day as her wedding.
Keerti akka left home the next day and I did not see a single dry eyed person that evening. It felt so heart wrenching to see her leave her childhood home and set out to make a new life of her own. It almost felt like a final good bye. I haven’t been so moved in ages. Every woman present there was either thinking of the time she left her maternal home after marriage or the fact that ‘her’ daughter would soon be leaving home too. For people like me, my sis, Shruti, it showed us what we are to face in a not-so-far-away future date. As Keerti akka touched the feet of all the elders and took their blessings, I truly understood what it means to be a daughter. While the pandit kept reiterating how Keerti akka’s life as a daughter comes to an end and her life as a wife, as a mother, as a daughter-in-law commences, I couldn’t help thinking that blood bonds are stronger than such rituals or beliefs. My parents would continue to hold the same spot in, not just my heart, but my life as well after I am married. The way I see it, I’m not losing my family, or they, me. We are all just gaining new family members and have that much additional happiness to look forward to. I told akka the same thing and I hope she believes it as strongly as I do.
Well, we were quite dull that evening and almost as if to cheer up and clear the whole depressed mood, we cousins all had a MASSIVE pillow fight, its a wonder we all have our necks intact… We also played dark room (Indoor hide and seek played in the dark with all lights switched off). I haven’t laughed so hard for a few years now. We all had tears in our eyes and the whole hungama had more than one of us rushing to the loo, still giggling :)
Well, that’s how the whole wedding scene ended, but hey, don’t go away yet. The best part of the whole ‘vacation’ is just starting. Na, I didn’t try to misguide you or anything, or take away your time by not getting straight to the point. It’s just that I had two separate experiences in these five days. One, the wedding, the second, the maddest train journey ever…
So brace yourselves, I’m ready to take you along on my craziest train journey ever…
13 Dec 09- Indian Railways + Mad family= Unimaginable chaos
0900 hrs
I just got up and have been roaming around the house with no particular intent or purpose… Nammu and my Mami are leaving for Hubli in half an hour (Oh, I didn’t tell you, did I? We are all travelling to Hubli today and then catching a train to Bangalore from there at 6:30 PM and then while Nammu and I head home, the rest of the gang heads to Kolar for the reception on 14 Dec 09). My Ajji, while really loving towards us cousins, is not very maternal or caring when it comes to my Mami, her daughter-in-law. So, she’s asked Mami to go early and prepare loads of chapattis for our train journey tonight (You only eat out on trips when you are single, never with a family…) and Nammu’s going early cause she has lots of friends there that she needs to catch up with (She did her UG from Hubli and hence the widespread friend base). I also have to get lunch started as I told everyone that I’d be cooking today to ease the stress on all Mamma’s present.
1000 hrs
Nammu, Mami, Vinni Anna and I are all headed to the bus station to drop the first two. Anna’s promised to let me drive on the way back, yippee! I cant wait to drop off both of them and drive all on my own! Ok, there is bus that they can get into. Anna just helped them put their luggage on the racks and got them settled. The bus reeks of diesel, I just cant stand the smell of it. I’ve always been nauseous when it comes to diesel vehicles. Its better I get down and wait near the car.
Ok, Vinni anna and I are headed home now and wont let me drive till he hits the highway (He still doesn’t think I have confidence enough to drive in a crowded city environment) but that’s ok. At least I get to drive. Ok, he’s pulling over so I can move into the throne, yippee!!!
Wow, does it feel good or what? I LOVE driving and the freedom that comes with being independent! The windows are pulled down completely and I feel almost like Dukie with the wind blowing through my hair and across my face. Kewl, I am finally getting truly independent…
1100 hrs
Did I just tell you that I was feeling independent some time back??? Hmmpf, you should see me now, I’m seated on the floor of the kitchen and cutting a small mountain of vegetables for the lunch I promised to make everyone…
Every time I venture into the kitchen, I realize that being a mom or a home maker is no easy task… Well, I better stop grumbling and get started with work; I’ll never get done otherwise…
Hey, did I tell you I learnt this new recipe of yummy khichdi from Alfia and have tried it on a lot of people with really good results (Read nice compliments :)) and I have decided to try it on my not-so-easy-to-please family. Ok, I really need to stop getting so distracted and finish with my work.
1300 hrs
I can’t believe it took me almost two hrs just to make a big cooker of khichdi, jeera rice and some tomato curry. I have never been so slow, but then I’ve never cooked for around 10- 15 people either. Phew, I am in the wrong profession, I should be a chef; I can’t describe the sense of satisfaction you derive after the completion of making a meal for the people you love. It’s quite amazing and very gratifying.
1330 hrs
Gratifying? My Dodamma (That’s my aunt- Keerti Akka’s mamma) just said my Khichdi tastes like Bisi Bele Bath, hmmpf. It’s not very flattering because that not what I was trying to attempt to make. Anyways, she said it still tastes nice, so that much is nice. I’m not so sure I ought to be a chef.
1345 hrs
The others all loved it, yippee!!! I so totally should’ve been a chef!
1430 hrs
Mamma, Dodamma and my younger Aunt all left for Hubli by bus. Kartik Anna, Dodappari (Keerti akka’s dad), Ajji, Siddu Uncle (Shruti’s dad) and I will be travelling to Hubli by car. We need to leave latest by 3 PM for us to make it to Hubli by 5 PM and then we need to start moving all our family (12 people in all) to the station along with the truck load of luggage. Anna just came back after dropping Ma and the others. I hope he hurries, we have only half an hour to get started.
1500 hrs
Don’t ask me if we have started yet, coz we haven’t. We are FAR from getting started. Karthik anna is cleaning something in his room. What a smart guy, he chose just the perfect moment to start on a cleaning spree… I wonder where he gets these flashes of brilliance from. And guess what? While anna cleans out his room, dodappari is cleaning the drain outside. Not really cleaning but stuffing a loooong stick down the drain and trying to unclog it. What does this family eat??? I mean, they have different levels of defined madness running in their family… Hee hee hee, it’s rich of me to talk considering the various eccentricities of my own family!
1515 hrs
He finally hit the bathroom 2 minutes back and is out again now searching for shampoo… :/ Why me??? I could strangle him with my bare hands…Oh god, he is now standing in his room and screaming that someone has taken the shampoo sachets that he had kept there. Yeah bro, like you are likely to find small things like shampoo sachets intact in a house that just hosted a wedding and had 20 guests housed in it at any given point of time… He just found some old sachet and finally is headed into the bathroom, victory!!!! Well, almost…
1530 hrs
He’s singing in the bath, hee hee hee, and not all that well too :) :) :) Oh, that’s another family secret, we are all horrible singers but love singing anyways, not really a great combination for people around us :)
1600 hrs
We are finally on the road… All rooms cleans, all drains unclogged, all stupid hair on one person’s head shampooed, and two very grumpy people (Ajji and me).
Anna is claiming to get us to Hubli in an hour and a half. I hope he does, that will barely leave us an hour to put together the whole circus crowd waiting for us in Hubli…
Wow, he is driving quite fast (At 100- 120 KMPH), I don’t have any doubts of us getting to Hubli by 5:30 PM now.
1730 hrs
Ok, we just reached and everyone is almost ready. Hey, where’s Nammu? Let me check with Mamma.
I can’t believe how irresponsible my sis can be at times. We have to be out of the house by 5:30 and she is still out with friends. She has absolutely no time sense. I hate the fact mamma is having to apologize to my aunts and uncles because of this girl's delay. Hmmm, not time to worry about that. We need to start packing our stuff into the five autos that my brothers have lined up outside. Wow, so much luggage! Whoever started the philosophy of travelling light will die if he sees this (It’s definitely not a woman, trust me…).
Ok, we’re all off to the station now. Hey, that stupid pig Nammu just passed us by on Mama’s bike. At least we know she’s almost home and Mama can actually drive her back to the station. As they would be on a two wheeler, she’ll get there in time, if not ahead of us. Sigh, one tension off our head. Its almost 6, we’ll have just about half an hour to get settled…
1810 hrs
We are all regrouped at the station entrance and after checking the luggage, have started moving towards the platform. I’m sharing a bag with my cousin Shashank. It’s really heavy; I wonder what they’d stuffed into it… Hey, why’s everyone running? We still have twenty minutes, right? Hello people! Oh forget it, we’d better run too…
Whoa, it’s not easy to run while you are carrying a heavy bag, even though Shashank is helping me. Ok, hang on. Something is seriously wrong. There are too many people running on the platform. I don’t get it, what’s happening?
The view in front of me just cleared and I can’t believe my eyes, the train’s already moving and slowly picking up speed… It was to leave at 6:30 PM, its still just 6:15 PM, what’s happening then? Most of my relatives are trying to get into the guard’s cabin but he’s starting to shut the door as more than 15- 20 people are trying to rush past him into the cabin. Oh my god, I cant believe this mess. Damn, I just tripped on someone. Hey, dodamma, stop pulling me, stop it! I’m gonna fall again. Wow, I did not fall and got into the goddamn train with that big bag. I don’t see Shashank anywhere though…
Let me explain the scene in the guard’s cabin to you. The following people are in it right now: my Dodamma (Keerti akka’s mom), my aunty, my uncle, my Mami, Vinni anna and my mamma. The guard is trying to close the door so no one else can get in. My dodamma’s pleading him to please stop the train for 2 minutes as my ajji is still running somewhere on the platform and is almost 80 yrs old and has had a major heart attack a few yrs back (Not someone you want running behind a train while worrying her heart out about whether or not she’ll be able to get on it…). The guard finally relented and has stopped the train for 2 min and onboarded ajji and told us all to get off and board the train in our respective bogies. Mami got off; I was just about to when the train started moving again. But we are not worried, I mean every one else had around five minutes to board the train. I can see everyone present give out a sigh of relief. It was a close call. I can’t help but be worried about ajji as she’s panting so hard, I hope she’s ok. Mamma’s with her, so it should be fine. The train is slowly pulling out of the station.
You know, that feeling when you feel like someone kicked you in your gut? I think we all just felt that. While looking through the glass in the cabin’s rear, we just saw the rest of our family standing on the platform with the luggage. Before we could all breathe again, dodamma’s pleas started again. But the guard is not budging, he’s done enough for us already… The elders are all telling him to at least let us off as the tickets are with Mami who got off. While all this is unfolding in the guard’s cabin, I can see Nammu trying to run to us with the tickets in her hand. I hope the poor baby stops before she falls and hurts herself. The platform is now vanishing and we see our family slowly fade away until we can no longer see them.
I can see dodamma and mamma start to cry out of desperation and ajji is sitting on the bunker with a stunned expression on her face. Aunty, uncle, vinni anna and I look at each other and after a deep breath, start putting a plan in place. First we calm dodamma and mamma down. Now that they are ok, im calling up Nammu to see how they are reacting. Between Nammu, me, uncle and dodappari (Who’s with Nammu and gang) we decide that they’ll talk to the station master, show them the tickets and ask him to update the train TC to let us continue our journey and then they will catch a bus and get to Bangalore.
Oh, 2 BTWs, I didn’t tell you did I, the reason
· We almost missed the train was because the train timing had been changed to 6:10 PM and none of us had bothered to cross check and
· The rest of my family was unable to board was because the train was a passenger train and not express which meant there were people PACKED in the train as it would stop at every station and there was no room to even put a toe, forget boarding the train (Even in the reserved compartments…). It was as good as a local bus that ran once in every 4 hours so every person would cram wherever there was space…
1845 hrs
Anyways, coming back to the point, we are now split into two groups and the best (Worse actually) part is that the tickets are with the group which is NOT in the train… The guard is very clear that he’ll house us in his cabin only until the next station, however small that may be. So at the next station, he has uncle and me get off and see if we could talk to the TC and make some arrangements about the ticket. We have barely managed to get into one of the stupid overflowing compartments when the train starts moving again. We are now, two people in S4 bogie, and the other five in the guard’s cabin. I just called Nammu to check on updates on their end when she tells me that they are actually in a Taxi and are racing to Haveri, which is the first major station that the train will stop at next, and they have another 70 odd KMs to traverse. The one good thing going for us was that as this was a passenger train, so it would take us about an hour to reach Haveri. But the train stops there for not more than 2-3 minutes, so it would be a close call.
We just crossed another small village station and got a call from mamma that she is in S3 cabin along with Vinni anna and aunty. Only my ajji and dodamma now remained in the guard’s cabin. As we inch closer to Haveri, my heart starts pounding as I know time will work against us.
1950 hrs
Nammu just called, while we are 5 minutes from Haveri, they are 5 KMs from Haveri. I’m praying as I have never before done so. We are now pulling into Haveri station. I tell Nammu that we are on platform No. 1. I lose contact with her as they are probably rushing to get into the train, or platform, or station or even the town (Please dear god, let it be the first…). Hey, the train’s moving again, I don’t see any sign of them, anywhere on the platform or anywhere. I have never felt so disappointed or let down. Hang on, Nammu’s calling me. Yippee!!!! They’ve made it. They don’t know what compartment they are in, but they are onboard! Hmmm, I can finally breath again :) God bless.
2010 hrs
The first group of us (The ones that had managed to get onto the train at Hubli) are now all together and feeling quite relieved. The second group is not with us, but on the train and safe, that’s all matters now.
2115 hrs
We are all back together now. I cant tell you how glad I felt when I saw Nammu, they were almost welcomed back into our bogie like heroes :) (While I personally felt Nammu and Kartik Anna should be beaten up royally for delaying us all at Hubli, I was too relieved to react in any way except be happy…).
2230 hrs
We are all settled into our berths and cant wait to fall asleep, we’ve had enough excitement to last, well not a lifetime, but definitely a couple of years, oh, not even, that, a few months :) I’m sure life has more exciting plans for such a mad cap family!
A story within a story:
I need to tell you guys about the experience my sis and her group had while they were travelling by the taxi to Haveri. The driver of their cab had no clue on how to get to Haveri but they managed to follow the road sign posts and get to the city. When they were almost there, they noticed the city pass them by on their right and then it hit them that they were on a by- pass and would definitely not make it to the station on time. Then, maybe as an answer to all our prayers, they found a guy standing at the edge of the road with a parked bike and talking to someone on the phone. When they enquired with him on the road to the station and explained their situation, he got on to his bike and asked them to follow him. He then took them on a route that was barely wide enough for the bike to go on. The taxi somehow managed to make it on that road and instead of taking them to the main entrance of the station; he had them stop at a very small side entrance which gave them the additional 5 minutes they needed to get onto that train. I’m sure that while they will never forget his face, we all will never forget the kindness he showed to our family that night. God bless the man and his family, wherever they are now. Thank you for helping us.
